I read Fat Acceptance Blogs, because I love their attitude, but unfortunately I know that will never be me...and being married to this glorious man makes me feel incredibly sexy and gorgeous all the time, when we're together. BUT...not when I'm in public, alone at the grocery store. And not when I'm so happy I see him I want to jump into his arms and wrap my legs around him. And not when I'm at Macy's and see the cute dresses they don't carry in a 2X or 3X.
So, my reasons for losing the weight...
1. Our community recreation center is brand-new, and I love to swim there, but I stopped because I hated feeling like people were staring at the whale in the Speedo. There's also a hydrotherapy pool, and I'd love to sit in there after a workout and not be paranoid that people think I'm disgusting.
2. I want to dress to be cute or pretty or fashionable...not because I found something serviceable in the ever-shrinking plus-size sections of stores (that's a contradiction in terms, isn't it?).
3. I wish I could have gone to a dress shop to get my wedding dress, instead of ordering three different sizes in seven different dresses online to try them on. I didn't like the dress I ended up choosing. And none of the bridal shops I called were at all kind about helping me.
4. Clothes are always more expensive in extended sizes. I'm sick of that. I want to go to the "normal" section!
5. I want to lie on my stomach on the floor or bed, reading a book, and not feel my belly poking back into me uncomfortably.
6. I want to cross my legs without readjusting my hips.
7. I want to feel comfortable talking in front of a large group. Years of acting classes took away my shyness; now I'm just embarrassed to show my body.
8. I want to dance, just as I know I can, without feeling like a joke. Or audition for a musical and have a fair shake at roles other than old ladies.
9. I want our family Christmas photos to be something I enjoy looking at.
10. I want to stop breaking the bottom nubs of toilet seats so they shift to the side when I sit on them.
11. I want to learn to do my hair and makeup knowing that it's not an attempt to take attention away from my body.
12. I want a v-neck shirt that doesn't look like I'm trying to be a naughty nurse.
13. I want to not wonder, for a minute, every time I see a diet pill commercial or their shelf at the store--Could That One work?
14. I want to stop weighing myself, and be okay with the weight I'm at.
15. I want to wear cute winter coats that don't just cover me up.
16. I want to travel to see old friends and not worry that their first thought would be "Oh, she's gained even more weight."
17. I want to sleep in the fetal position comfortably.
18. I want to be able to try new sexual positions.
19. I want to find pretty bras everywhere I go--not just Cacique.
20. I want to wear a skirt or dress without my thighs rubbing together and giving me a rash.
21. I want to not be afraid to approach an airplane seat..."Will I fit in this? How awful it would be if I can't..."
22. I want to wear whatever shoes I like, without worrying about finding the wide size, or worrying about how the heels will feel after a short time.
23. I don't want to think I'll inevitably become diabetic one day, or die of a heart attack because my eating habits are terrible.
I'm sure more will come to me, and I may come back and add to this list. I don't know if it's a healthy list to keep, or if it's horrifying...but these are the reasons I'm embarking on this journey. Just keeping it real, folks.
4 comments:
I love this. Thank you for responding to my honesty with your own. Its so admirable!
Your reasons were so similar to mine, you're right!
And I feel new ones every day.
I can't even comprehend what it feels like to be COMFORTABLE. It is not something I have ever felt in my lifetime. Not physically, emotionally, mentally.
I can't imagine walking into a room and not sweating and fidgeting to make sure that my tummy is sucked in, my arms are covered up, my legs are positioned right to maybe make me look slimmer.
But we'll get there. :-)
I hear you Chai, Vee too. There's so many reasons to want to lose weight. The funny part is the majority of them are for vanity. I want to look better, so I don't look like such a misfit in society. The health part of it is there too, but nowhere near top 10 in most peoples lists. Mine included. I still suck my gut in all the time. You'd think that'd be great for an ab workout. haha Comfort really is 90% mental, and until we can find that mental comfort level, we're always going to feel fat, like an outcast. :/ But hey, that's why we're here. :)
Hope this makes sense. I tend to ramble as things pop into my head.
I can't even IMAGINE a day where I can stand around and NOT be sucking in my fat belly.
That would blow my mind!
Even if I'm walking around with a six-pack I think I'll be trying to suck it in.
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